At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They are going to name an STD after you.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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