why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
