I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
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