It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
