dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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