I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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