i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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