would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
