life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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