My boss' voice literally gives me gas
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
