hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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