She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
His nipple licking is glorious
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