Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize