It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
