So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
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She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
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You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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