She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
