I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
ttyl tear gas
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I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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