absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
