I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
