He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
