The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
