Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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