Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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