Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
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