i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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