now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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