My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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