Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
