i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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