Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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