Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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