This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
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