this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
