I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
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