im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
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