Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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