??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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