I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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