my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He called his prostate his "boner button".
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
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