well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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