I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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