i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
