You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
