So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
i think i just lost a toe
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize