Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
