Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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