Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
