Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
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You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
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Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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