You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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