i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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