i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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