i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
where are you?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.