I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store