Just fell off a train. Bad.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
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OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.