I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara