So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
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I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
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What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.