Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
