My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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