I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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