Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
