you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
