I could have mohawked her pubes.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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