dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
