I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Just invented taco cereal.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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