oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
