Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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